The Rules for Successful Conversations

Some of the greatest human discoveries and breakthroughs were the results of passionate intellectual engagements of a large number of extremely dedicated people.

My intention is to discuss with all of you, respected LI members, what are the criteria (intention, form and function) that may be considered as socially acceptable during conversation on social media. How to find your proper voice, having in mind that the essence is in the conversations? There is only one extreme and that is to give only positive comments on other people's writing. This is a fairly common practice, here on LI. This is certainly not what we want.

On the other hand, critical or negative comments, made by some members, may cause some degree of discomfort on both sides. In order to avoid indifference, which is undesirable, we need to provide highly emotional engagement of an audience. In this case, both emotions: “love” (admiration - respect) and “anger” (disappointment - discourage) may occur at the same time. Fortunately, “anger” can easily be turned into “love” if handled appropriately.

Is this enough:

1. Clear personal attitudes
2. Skillfulness
3. Knowledge and imagination
4. Personal integrity
5. Gentleness
6. Unpretentiousness
7. Willingness to help and say sorry
8. Willingness to answer boldly and to be corrected

Image: fractal-reality-duality.gif, by Henk Mulder, geneticfractals.wordpress.com, Article titled: "="https://geneticfractals.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/fractal-reality-what-else/" target="_blank">Fractal reality, what else!"

Some of the greatest human discoveries and breakthroughs were the result of passionate intellectual engagements of a large number of extremely dedicated people. We should not have the slightest doubt that such breakthroughs were preceded by “creative chaos”. Of course, such a creative chaos certainly involves some very heated discussions, confronted opinions and disagreements. The people differ in their individual ways of expressing dissent.

My experience suggests that the effects of tactful critiques are often highly undervalued. I think that criticism is useful for everyone, but social media criticism modeling, that will have fruitful effects (stretch and grow), is a special kind of art. There are some wonderful people here, who are not prepared to "survive" battles without serious consequences. We must be careful.

What is important is the way in which we manifest our disagreement. People tend to feel threatened when they are attacked. A heated discussion can be very fruitful, but also unproductive. A good foundation is certainly unquestionable respect of diversity and a very careful interpretation of other people's attitudes. Communication is always a two way process.

"Nice words and iron door opens!" A nice word does not need to be only agreement or approval. Well, all becomes much clearer once you understand the power of constructive discussions. Only then, the truths becomes more difficult (more complex), but ultimately attainable. That's the beauty of complexity and diversity: final reconciliation with the ubiquitous chaos, without obvious signs of unpleasant fear.

Everyone has the right to make an error in judgment, but also to correct its position, if it is not too vain. For that reason, I emphasized the importance of personal preparedness and "Willingness to answer boldly and to be corrected". If someone has an aspirations to make tough decisions and to be a leader, then this is the absolutely necessary skill.

Within this analysis, I have completely ignored moral responsibility, which is certainly one of the most important aspects. Critical thinking is of great importance in the learning process. I am aware that it is quite difficult, if not impossible, to define relevant criteria for making the judgment well.

So, the whole procedure is extremely complicated and insufficiently defined. Do the same rules and criteria apply to all types of writers? What are your personal priorities?

"Leadership" and Social Media

The moment when we start to believe that we are influential is at the same time the final moment for our own rigorous review, reconsideration and implementation of all necessary corrections.

The only thing I do not like too much is the term: "Leader". This is one of the most misused terms and not only in social media. It is generally associated with the power and resources. Indeed, influential people do not have to be leaders. In its essence, real influence and affectivity should be always a two-way street. If someone helped me to resolve some personal doubts or misconceptions, he was influential for me and vice versa.

Image by Pacific Northwest National Laboratory – PNNL, US Department of Energy national laboratories, published within online article titled: "Work with a Unique Isotope of Hydrogen Generates Attention in the Scientific Community" at http://www.pnnl.gov

Interaction is of a great importance. The human interaction, which is a synonym for leadership, means to learn from someone and to educate someone. Leadership is about social influence, mutual support and organizing of people in order to achieve a common goal. Yet, common goals can be very different: correct or incorrect, very material and social, but also immaterial (spiritual). It's a sort of uplifting of thoughts. Leaders and followers mutually inspire each other. It is intertwining of respect.

The real "influencer" is the man who is mainly preoccupied with the people and not with its own status. His or her status is the result of mutual respect. Unfortunately, the awareness of power, very often produces some degree of blindness. Then, a prominent influential person, becomes incomprehensible, first to himself and then to all others. This is a classic trap from which it is difficult to find the right exit. Glory and respect should be above the mist or any kind of mystification. First of all, it is a great responsibility. The moment when we start to believe that we are influential is at the same time the final moment for our own rigorous review, reconsideration and implementation of all necessary corrections.

Social media are more like living organism, subject of the constant change and evolution. These changes are influenced by those who make up the social media and that is people.

Ego is a very strange beast, which is often unreasonably hungry. If we try to help others, sometimes we will be on the wrong track, sometimes we will make an omission and finally, sometimes we will succeed. We should always count on all three options. That's the beauty and the agony of generosity. However, when one day we think about it, we will see that ultimately good always returns good (good prevails).

In the case of "No good deed goes unpunished" situations on social media, suddenly great happiness is replaced with disappointment, while the amount and degree are the same. However, finally serenity still prevails. For some people it is an internal need and then there is no help. They can become influential people or even leaders.

Everything we have ever written represents personal signature and it is also an integral part of our social reputation. That's what I was recently defined as follows: “What we write is the undistorted image of ourselves”. The successful manifestation of our personal attitudes in social media does require some adjustments, as well as, a lot of attention and patience. The border is thin between blatant self-promotion and useful new content that pertaining to a specific topic.

Beyond the Rules – "Childlike Behavior"

In order to achieve unrealistically high goals, hopes and expectations we need moredreamers, jointly united far beyond material goals only.

For some people, childlike behavior, after reaching maturity, can be an indication of emotional immaturity. I have a tendency for revert to childish behavior. Children love to play; their game is a fascinating evidence of commitment to truth. Children are inexhaustible source of some of the most wonderful wisdom. The problem is that most adults with years gradually lose the mind of a toy. Termination of playing is the ultimate sign of the beginning of stagnation. Of course, I believe that we will not fall into a dangerous trap.

Image: "3D Toy Cube" - Creative 3D Fractal Art Wallpapers at Wallcoo.net

The most important is Meyrink's "internal maturity":

This goal can and must be attained in this life. But even if this does not happen, remember that he who has found the way once, always returns to this world with an internal maturity that enables him to continue his work. Man is firmly convinced that he is awake; in reality he is caught in a net of sleep and dreams which he has unconsciously woven himself." - Gustav Meyrink

A Great Person Deserves No Less: Some additional lessons should not be forgotten:

It is most important. Write that Mr. Tesla played. He played the whole of his life and enjoyed it.” – Nikola Tesla

During childhood, usually we are fully self-similar. Nevertheless, fragments tend to become scattered with time and due to the accumulation of conflicting experiences. Then, targeted interactions with people, adds up all again. It should become the rule.

Unpleasant experiences and unrealistically high expectations and hopes, in contact with other people on social media, should not cause disappointment and loss of faith in humanity, kindness and the importance of helpfulness. It is a sign of unreserved commitment to the people and unquestionable self-similarities during a personal expression. An awareness about and analysis of such events are necessary, but it is sometimes quite difficult to implement such analysis. Unfortunately, very often, careless people do not pay attention to these obscure aspects of human interaction.

People, who are willing to be a true friend could have a quite different character or temperament. I still believe in "positive" connection. This does not mean boredom, indulgence or a lack of creativity; on the contrary, it is a real sign of the mutual interaction, healthy engagement, joy, kindness and respect.

Everything is possible. In order to achieve unrealistically high goals, hopes and expectations, we need more dreamers jointly united far above the merely material goals. If we abolish disagreement, we will never reach these lofty goals. Everything that is prohibited by dictate also represents something that is insufficiently explored.

People with outstanding qualities were never adored by the majority. However, there are exceptions and that's what is worth my friends. Those who raise the standards are also blessed, even more... Thank you, I know that you will be recognized.

“Unknowable” is perhaps most addictive, but it is not for everyone. Any kind of enlightenment is somehow also a painful process. “Suffering” is also an integral part of different types of cognition and research of any kind. An intangible help is also very valuable. It is safe shortcut to sudden serenity. Rage exists even in Eden.

Remember that you must at all costs remain self-similar. Once again, a passion for truth-seeking continues. Now let's all enjoy the silence. Fractals forever...

Originally published on Linkedin Pulse
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